DUDE What happened?!

So This happened on Thursday:

Yup that is my happy running face! I have been contemplating it for about a month now; I kept telling myself maybe tomorrow, and I kept blaming the fact that I didn't have a double stroller for my boys yet.
I kept telling myself that I COULDN'T,
I kept telling myself I wasn't strong enough yet.
I compared my present self to my self 2, 3 years ago where I was in tip top racing shape running marathons and races like it was nothing.
I guess we all get in that funk sometimes; and this last pregnancy I had some mi-s aligned vertebra that were causing some serious pain with my running. I think I ran a total of 40 miles, if that my entire 2nd pregnancy.
But that still didn't make me any less of a runner than I was a few years back.
Shit happens, life happens.
Can I run a marathon tomorrow; HA doubtful! But is that OK; of course!
I"ll get back out there soon enough; I have to keep reminding myself where I CAME from, why I initially started running in the first and why I want to keep running today.
When I think back to when I first started running, I was in a FUNK; depressed after a bad break-up, I was drinking too much and smoking. I had lost about 20lbs from the lack of sleep and seriously a broken heart is a painful thing. I guess one day I was tired of being THAT person. I was tired of feeling like my life couldn't go on because of Said person.
So I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started running. I ran maybe a mile?! Not all at once and felt like I was going to die, but for some reason I woke up the next day and ran again.
And again.
and again.
and again.
And I didn't stop, within a year I had signed up for my first 10K, several 5Ks, a 13.1 and a 26.2. I said you know what, I"m just gonna go for it. During that time I ran for ME. and ME only. I had to get my head back on straight and running was the ONLY thing that did that for it; its what brought me to back to happy. It brought me to my husband.

Yesterday when I was running about 2 miles in I was like meh OK I can walk now, but I thought back to that moment...that moment when I ran my first few miles, my first few races and realized I don't have to walk. I CAN run.
and I will run.
and I did run.
I set my intention and ran for my boys,
I ran for my family.
I ran for my husband.
I ran for my best friend who is no longer with us.
And that gave me the strength to keep going.
It's funny how over time running is just running; two feet pounding the dirt, the steady of your breathe going in and out, the thumping of your heart in your lungs the swish, swish of the arms at your side, that all seems to stay relatively same but the reason WHY you run is so personal and changes over time. It really is something only other runners understand.

I may be way slower.
I may not look as swift
I may be carrying a few extra pounds than the ME from a few years ago, but you know what? I feel a hell of a lot lighter and putting my intentions towards other loved ones while running makes it that much better.

Cheers to running my friends!!!

JUST START! <3 Thanks for all your love and support while I get back out on the road and start making time to blog again! Love you all! xoxo

Happy Feet! 


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